Imagine you're at a party, and you see a giant, muscular dude named Chad. Chad is 6'8", weighs 2,000 pounds, and looks like he bench-presses cars for fun. Chad is minding his own business, munching on some snacks, when you decide, "You know what would be great? If I just walked up and rubbed Chad's head like he’s my golden retriever."

Now, you don’t know Chad. Chad doesn’t know you. Chad is cool as long as you respect his personal space. But the moment you invade it, there’s a solid chance Chad will go from “laid-back snack enthusiast” to “wrecking ball in a fur coat.”

That’s basically what happens when you try to pet a bison. These furry tanks are chill until you get too close, and then they’ll remind you why they’re called wild animals. Their hobbies include grazing, running 35 mph, and launching overly curious humans into low orbit.

So, for your own safety, admire bison from afar, and leave the head-patting to someone who has really good health insurance—or a death wish.

But, if you want life to be short, then go on, PET THE BISON!